Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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