I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
