WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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