i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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