I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
