I am spending my child support on dildos
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Help. Why am I so naked?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
