I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
