Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
