Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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