next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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