I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
