He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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