man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
