i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
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