I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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