I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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