ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
