i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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