Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
