My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
