I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
