so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize