I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you will always have a special place in my vag
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got inside last night via doggy door
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
