yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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