anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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