If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize