the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
