maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
