'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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