every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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