I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
