We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
