Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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