And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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