We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
