she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
