i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
