Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
