Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
