I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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