Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
