I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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