I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
