Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
