remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
