He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
