Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
