Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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