people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
