yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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