Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
