I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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