He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
