Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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