just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize