Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
