Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
