we're chasing vodka with high fives
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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