Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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