what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
