You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
