I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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