Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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