Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
