Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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