I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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