They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
