I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
