Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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