so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
