Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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