Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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