I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize