I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
