Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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