I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize