I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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