I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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