I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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