Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
