Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
